The Money Pit Chronicles

I wake up one morning to get ready for work, like usual. I blindly search for my phone to shut off the alarm. In the process, I knock it off the nightstand into the abyss under my bed where it disappears. I stretch my arm out and sweep under the bed to feel for it, and all I feel is fuzziness that I quickly interpret for spider webs. Forget it! I don’t need a phone. I am not crawling under there to get it.

I stumble down the stairs, tripping over shoes and animals. Somewhere along the way, I step on the cat’s tail who expresses her displeasure of this assault with a swift open clawed smack to my foot.  That cleared the cobwebs from my head…sort of. I manage my way down the next set of stairs, steering clear of anything with more legs and hair than I have. Finally, I make it to the bathroom to start the shower. As I am adjusting the water, I feel a drop of something wet on my foot, followed by another on my head. I look up toward the ceiling and a drop of water hits me square in the eye. I am certainly awake now.

I take a step back to examine the ceiling and I see that it has grown a hump. The hump is large; about the size of a basketball. I sprint up the stairs to wake my husband. I tell him there is something growing on the ceiling in the basement bathroom and he needs to come see it right away. Now, it is his turn to lumber down the stairs, clumsy over shoes and cats. However, the cats have learned from the first encounter with awkward ogres and summarily vacate the area. He eventually makes it to the bathroom, where I am pointing up to the ceiling. My husband examines the protuberance in all directions. Then he pokes it. First rule when dealing with a ballooned ceiling…never poke it.

Immediately, the bulge transforms into a waterfall that my husband is holding at bay with his finger. He starts yelling for something to catch the water. I run off to get a pot, bowl, bucket, anything I could find to catch the cascade. Once I have the bucket in place, he removes his finger, and the ceiling follows suit with all the water in its cache.  There is water everywhere by now, and I’m not sure what the purpose of the bucket is at this point since hardly any water made it in there. This is the second waterfall produced by this house but by far the biggest. The other waterfall happened right outside the basement bathroom in front of the office door about 6 months earlier. That ceiling fell down too.

 I look around at the destruction and realize that all the plumbing will need to be replaced immediately. I know I will look up at beams, wiring, spiders, birds, and the occasional cat for quite some time before the ceilings are repaired. I dare not ask, “What’s next?” This house seems to take such musings as a challenge and is all too eager to show you “what’s next”.